Reactions to my departure from the church

It is amazing to see the different reactions to our departure from the church. The response I had hoped for, I guess, was that people would still see me as the noble, honest, and honorable person that I have always strived to be. This was a laborous task that required hundreds of hours of study, pondering, prayer, and fasting. No conclusion was arrived at in haste, and no sentence was written without considerable editing and review and rethinking. I expected the reactions to be similar to Brian Christiansen's. Brian has never been by the book, and in fact, when I was in the bishopric meetings, he was sometimes mentioned as not catching the vision of following the rules, and getting all of the reports lined up just correctly. I stood up for him in those meetings (and to be fair, no one ever disagreed with this sentiment) that while Brian may not have been the best at filling out home teaching reports, he was one of the most Christlike people I have met. He was, and is, perpetually kind. Brian asked to read my document, and was one of the only people that I know to have read it. After reading it, he said, "Joseph, you are an honorable person, and this wasn't an easy thing for you to write. There are many issues with church history that are left unexplained. Your document has caused me to reflect why I still go to church, and why it is good for my family." I can appreciate that the church still works in Brian's life. I am in awe of his ability to still find room to respect me and not pity me. The most painful part about leaving the church has been the judgements (that this decision was somehow motivated by sin) and the pity (that this decision will somehow bring me great unhappiness). Even more painful has been that those that were closest to me in my family and friends have been the most condescending throughout this process. I understand that they love me. But to lose respect for my integrity and sound reasoning? Ironically, respect, fellowship, comfort, compassion, and understanding have been almost the universal response from those outside of the church that have learned of my decision. It is tragic, but it has caused me to reflect on my own responses in the past to people who have left the church. Unfortunately, I did not live up to a Brian Christiansen. In the few occassions that I had to experience someone close leaving the church (Donna Mayes, Sherra Craig, Isaac Lowe, Casey Easterly, Dick Clark, and several times in the mission field), my reaction was more along the lines of, "We are still friends, but I don't want to talk about why you left. You've chosen a different path, and I will always accept you back if you choose to repent, but you've chosen poorly on the basis of misguided information. If you had only listened more closely to the prophet, the troubles you will undoubtedly encounter could have been spared. I wish you the best that a damned life can offer, and as much forgiveness as God can spare you in the eternities." While I don't think that any of the people mentioned above went to the same exhaustive lengths that I did when they left the church, they had their reasons, and my response SHOULD HAVE BEEN more compassionate. It is never easy to give up on the faith of your childhood, and even less easy to leave the Mormon church. I know that pain firsthand. Lest this statement be misconstrued, it is not the pain of losing the Spirit, or the pain of withdrawal from God's grace. I still feel the love of God in my life, and have on multiple occassions still felt spiritual guidance in my life. The pain of which I speak is the rejection of family and society that has accompanied my decision. Any desire for my return by my family, friends, or my old ward family is not with my new information and beliefs. It is to reject what I think I learned as false, and a full acceptance of my former testimony of Joseph Smith. There is no space for doubters in the church. You can question where Kolob is. You can question whether all the inhabitants of this earth have the same Heavenly Mother. But it is unacceptable to question the vision of Joseph Smith. It is unacceptable to question the validity of the Book of Mormon, and Joseph's ability to translate ancient documents. It is unacceptable to mention Masonic practices in connection with the temple. It is unacceptable to mention the original papyrus of the Pearl of Great Price has been translated by Egyptologists using science (i.e.the Rosetta Stone) and universally they agree that Joseph Smith was wrong. You may not doubt the core doctrines of the church and still be respected. You may be loved and pitied, but rarely respected when you have left. I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude toward God for helping me to have this vision. I feel gratitude that Brian C has it, and still is able to make the church work for him. The church will be a better place when more of its members can be accepting and respecting (not just loving) of those of different beliefs.

JB