One of the most difficult aspects of leaving the church is the feeling that you are making such a monumental choice in isolation. Emily left before me, so she had the much harder row to hoe, but I have always been a fairly social person, and leaving the church meant potentially harming many of the relationships and the society I hold dear. My decision has been called wrong by many of my family or those that I have thought of as true friends in the past. It is fairly uncommon to leave the LDS church, but I've found that I share it in common with more people than I thought. I recently reconnected with a good friend Rebecca (nee Hansen) Lawbaugh, and her husband Paul. We grew up going to seminary together, and she was also in all of the same honor classes at Ontario High School. We last saw each other at BYU, where she and Paul had a marriage class with Emily. Rebecca and I reconnected after a modicum of Facebook stalking. A few messages later, and the Lawbaughs and Butlers are great friends now, joined by a common past, and a unique present situation in common. About a week ago, I saw a picture of my college roommate, Damon. Again with some Facebook stalking, and a few messages later, and i found that he too has left the church. It has been a tremendous boon to me to see that others have come to the same conclusion. The church puts so much emphasis on the importance of society, perhaps psychologically I am still harboring the vestigial need to find my peeps. More likely it is human nature to want to fit in, and the church has found a way to satisfy that need on a very deep level. Losing it was awful. Finding that you have a society again, albeit much smaller, is even sweeter. Here is a link to the Lawbaughs website that outlines their faith journey:
http://blog.lawbaugh.com/2012/08/faqs-about-paul-and-lds-church.html?m=0
I recently ran across a couple of other great sites. At first I thought this was the best list of questions I've ever seen:
http://beggarsbread.org/2012/10/31/whats-wrong-with-the-mormon-church-2012-edition/
Then I found this list of questions:
http://mandmtruth.com/home/questions/
In movie watching, it is said that you need to have a willing suspension of disbelief in order for unexplainable things to work in the overall story line. You can't question how warp speed is faster than light speed, you have to willingly suspend disbelief in order to appreciate the story of how vulcans came to notice earth in First Contact. You have to willingly suspend disbelief in the idea of tunneling through the core of the earth to appreciate the awesome story behind the new Total Recall reboot. I have found that willing suspension of disbelief to be all too familiar to faith in the LDS church. You have to have faith, it is said, that Joseph Smith did what he said he did, and the modern day programs are the fruits that validate the faith. If you stop to understand the foundations of Mormonism, in other words you stop for just a second in your suspension of disbelief, the value of the programs crumble pretty quickly. I heard from a dear friend this week, and it was hard for me to hear that he has retrenched himself in his beliefs without even giving my research a second thought (in fact without even reading it). I hope that he finds happiness in his decision. But I hope even more that at some point in his life, he entertains any of the questions above or in my original research, and comes to find out that the church has a lot of splaining to do. If he does, a much smaller society, myself included, will welcome him with open arms.
JB
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